Saturday, October 4, 2008

First time for everything

"i'm such a slut"

I utter that to myself with a pride that makes post-modern feminists wet with envy
and early feminists cringe. Getting slapped can be liberating when you know just how much it turns the other person on. When you are the freak they can be totally themselves with, that shit is gold.

 I just got fucked by this chinese stripper and sent the video
we made to my screenwriting friend. Goddamn....he fucks like he has something to 
prove and I'm not complaining. We fucked in my new studio , across the way from 
not one but two photo studios across from us but just like white people NOT to notice us
and yes I KNOW that they didn't notice us because well..... If you saw a thick black girl
getting rammed by a chinese guy with blonde hair right below you, would  YOU not look?


I don't think so but thats how self absorption brought on by privilege will make you miss shit like that....

It was fun. really fun. I came twice. Definitely not the biggest I ever had but bigger  than I expected and he fucks ......hard and spanks me....just right. I don't know what he has to prove but I like that I'm who he chooses to prove it with. This afternoon delight was exactly what I needed to get my mind right. 

Had a long talk with the socialist i've been seeing...He says he likes me but we're moving to fast. He's right we are and I'm panicking. I've never done this before...this dating thing. We met online. then offline. I was an hour late and he almost left. 15 minutes after dinner he was holding my hand. Two hours after that he kissed me and we kept kissing till  4 am in  Washington Square park. The next week, we saw each other 5 times. I stayed over 4 times. 
He still couldn't stop kissing me.

I even waited this time. 3 whole weeks. but still too soon. He lives in infinite shades of grey. I'm like  a binary number. on/off . black white.  Either we are together or i'm fucking 10 million other people. 
so yeah the socialist and I didn't sleep together but we feigned making love and loved pretending....

But while he and I were playing house...
  I fucked china man the first night I got the keys to my studio :)
The first time he and I fucked it was in his grandmothers house in china town. He put his hand over my mouth to stifle my moans. I kept hoping we'd get caught......Ok...he's not really a stripper, he's a personal trainer with the body of a stripper. I  only mention this b/c there really IS A stripper that I had met a couple weeks prior at my best friends bachelorette party...I can't fuck him...

who has the time?

Besides I need to get my mind right and nothing gets it off course more than just fucking one man.......

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