I feel asleep under the light. This crazy week and last night finally catching up to me at 1:30 pm.
I was up all night "breaking up" with the socialist. Yes THAT socialist, the one I've been "dating" the past month and by dating i mean actually DATING. We didn't sleep together. Just spent alot of time making out holding hands etc...very junior high which I needed. He thought the sun shone
out of my ass (which it does).. He was 28, balding in that could almost pass for bruce willis type way. Ok he was no bruce willis but he had a nice enough face and a nice enough body. He played tennis and hiked...
oh yeah last night. I swear my vagina is made of kryptonite because as soon as I sleep with someone instead of
a) liking me more or
b) thinking it sucked and liking me less
usually C) happens
c) Thinks the sex was the best he had in his life thus throwing him into an existential crisis where in which he must not date me at all because "its all happening so fast" or "its so intense"
etc. etc. etc.
Normal people meet, date, vett each other and either like each other or move on...
but not the guys i date. They don't want to be with me but are some consumed with guilt
and confusion as too why , that they spend weeks sometimes months and in one extreme case
4 YEARS , trying to be with me. Like I was a million dollar check but for some reason that had
nothing to spend me on.
I was over it. so so over it.
He thought we shouldn't sleep together and that we should go out on our date on monday as planned and try to "recapture" what we had in the beginning.He still wanted to date me and I wanted him to shut up. I'd played the nice girl until then but I stripped him, got on top of him
and gave him the hickey he asked me not to, slapped him a few times, gave him a couple of chokes
and fucked him better then his boring , over neurotic ass ever got fucked...
twice
He smiled, kissed my forehead and rubbed my back and I said
"for a guy who's 'not that into me' you sure like kissing me alot" and then he buried
his head in my chest and side
"I dont know what's wrong with me , I'm sorry"
but I did. Its me and his total lack of a reason and constant assurances of how "amazing"
I was just irked me further.
I hate to admit it but the sex was SOOOOO much better once I didn't want to be involved with him..
Can't wait to tell my therapist.
Oh and to add to that disaster I called up my chinese boy and told him. He called me 3 times the night before so when i called him back this morning I told him that I had gotten "caught up"
and he asked "with what"?
I could have lied but I was sick of lying. Sick of the theatrics. I'd rather be alone then not be able to be myself, so i told him I was breaking up with someone and he said "so you've been fucking around with this guy while you were with me?"
and i said "i've been dating and that is plural, I wasn't exactly sleeping with you guys at the same time( up until last night me and socialist had only had sex once) but we saw each other romantically. You and i have no ties to each other. If thats what you want tell me but lets be real....
we're meeting up tomorrow :/
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